honesty

one of the best (or worst) things about the students that i work with is their ability to be completely honest all the time. they dont care what you may think about what they say because if they are thinking it, chances are they are going to end up saying it. sometimes their honesty makes me feel bad for the things that they have been through, sometimes it makes me wish that their situations were different, but most of the time it makes me laugh!

now that i have been home for almost 2 weeks, i have found that i have been able to be a little more honest about myself about this past year and my experience as a lasallian volunteer so far. i think when you are so involved in what you do it is sometimes hard to force yourself to take a step back and really realize and understand what you are doing. and being away from something can definitely help that. so here is what i have thought about and considered since i have parted ways with the midwest for the past 2 weeks...

1. i really do believe and understand why education is the key to breaking the cycle of poverty. poverty is a cycle. and it has a sneaky way of ganging up on people. many of the students that i work with are "against the odds" in so many ways. they are undocumented which means that they dont have a social security number. without a social security number they cant get a job. and without a job they cant make money to support themselves. but the process to become naturalized is flawed and the amount of time and energy it takes to simply complete the paperwork to become a citizen is excessive. so the only way that these students can change their situation is by becoming well educated. without education, these students ultimately corner themselves into working a minimum wage job for the rest of their lives.

but the issue with education and those who live in poverty is that many people dont feel like its worth it. some of the students that i work with are labeled and put into a category by teachers and school administrators before they even have the chance to be educated. these students are "not college bound" or will "barely graduate high school" or will "work with their family". so the energy and motivation to educate these students isnt there despite the aptitude of the student which is unfair and discriminatory. this experience has definitely made me see even more the importance of education, especially for those who live in poverty.

2. doing what i do has little to do with me and almost everything to do with the students that i work with. even though i have only know some of the students for a few months, i think about them often and laugh about the things that they would do or say when i spent time with them. and even though what i am doing right now couldnt be farther from what i imagined myself doing when i started college, i have to keep reminding myself that this is the right place for me now. for some of our students, coming to the center is the most regular and normal thing that they have in their lives. and as easy as it could have been for me to take the experience i had this year, learn from it, and use it to move on to the next step in my life, i really believe that would be so unfair. these kids look for consistency and dont always find it. so the least i can do for them is spend one more year working at the center so that they may continue to have something in their life that remains the same. 

3. i think being home is more challenging than being away. i love being home and being able to see my friends and family and getting time to catch up with everyone. it is no secret that there has been more than one occasion where i have asked myself why i ever decided to volunteer and there are some days where i still ask myself "what am i doing here?" when i am away from the kids and the center and the work that i do. i really do love what i do but sometimes when i am home i feel like i dont do it justice! being home and catching up with friends who are working or living on their own or continuing with school makes me think about my situation and the decision that i have made to spend my time doing something completely different. i want to go back to school and have a job and live on my own, but right now is not the time for that. and sometimes it is easy for me to forget that when i am away from my work. but im not worried...that time will come and when it does i will probably wish that i was doing what i am doing now instead of studying and working!

other than all this reflecting, life has been good. i have been able to see some people and relax and have even studied for the gre a little bit. i start working on thursday for an academic program for gifted students, which will def be a change of pace for a few weeks. i think it will be a good experience and help me understand a completely different side of education from the work that i have been used to doing for the past year.

im not sure how often i will update this throughout the summer, but we will see...until then adios amigos!