so this is my postsecret postcard that i made and mailed in last year. for those of you who dont know about postsecret, you should really check it out! its a blog that asks people to anonymously send in their secrets and each week many of the secrets received are posted. and they have books. and i love love love it!
but anywayyyy- i have been thinking A LOT lately about my time here and the work i have been doing and even about next year. the lasallian volunteers allow each us to choose to renew our time at our sites for a second year if we want to. we can also choose to renew for a second year and request to switch which site we work at. and for whatever reason, the idea of deciding what i want to do next year has been in my head. and although it is a while before i have to make a decision, i still think about it often.
there is a big part of me that is so ready for the next step. i have had my time away from school and am ready to be in a classroom learning again. i want to be back in the city and pursuing a master's degree. the idea of this is exciting to me and i am eager to get going on it. but this would mean that i would have to take the gre over christmas break and start on my applications and whatnot like yesterday. so while it is possible, i would definitely be cutting it a little close.
the other big part of me feels that it would be so unfair for me to leave here after only one year. a year sounds like a longggg time, but its not! i cant believe that its already november and that i have been living in wisconsin for almost 4 months! i have started to get really close with a lot of the kids and when they ask me if i am coming back next year, i almost feel bad telling them that i dont know.
the kids that we work with experience change and inconsistency more often than not. some of them have moved 4 or 5 times in a year, changed schools numerous times, and live in homes where they are promised things that never come to fruition. only 20% of teens perceive that adults in the racine county community value youth. only 23% of young people in racine county report having positive and responsible role models. and only 25% of racine county youth report having useful role models in the community.
i would just feel so guilty "abandoning" these kids and reinforcing the idea that adults here dont value the youth of the community. i know that i am not technically responsible for sustaining the development of all the kids i work with, but i cant help but feel at least a little responsible.
i know that i cant base my decision off of guilt or feeling bad or not wanting to disappoint anyone. and i also know that i have plenty of more time to make a final decision about what i want to do. for now, its not fair to live in the future and not focus on the present. i am here now and regardless of whether or not i will be back in the future shouldnt take away from what i am doing right now.
i think buddha sums it up pretty well- “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
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