dear racine, wisconsin,
tomorrow, i, catherine ann elizabeth calogero, will be gracing your lovely city with my presence for an entire year. i am writing this letter to you now as a sort of warning for what may ensue. i apologize in advance if my behavior in any way shocks or offends you or any of your residents. please understand that new york city and wisconsin may have different standards of what is and is not acceptable and that i will do my best to keep things under control. i will admit that i am nervous to be hanging out with you for an entire year, but i think we will get along just fine. please be patient with me and i promise to do the same.
with all my love,
cath
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
READ THIS!
i have just started to read the alchemist (thanks jenn!) and even after reading only the introduction, i know that this is the PERFECT book for me to be reading right now! so i wanted to share the intro of the book...i think it will really help me get adjusted to my new journey
"all i know is that, like santiago the shepherd boy, we all need to be aware of our personal calling. what is a personal calling? it is god's blessing, it is the path that god chose for you here on earth. whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. however, we don't all have the courage to confront our own dream.
why?
there are four obstacles. first: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible. we grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. there comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. but its still there.
if we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. we know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. we do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward. we do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.
one we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. we who fight four our dream suffer far more when it doesnt work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: "oh well, i didnt really want it anyway." we do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.
i ask myself: are defeats necessary?
well, necessary or not, they happen. when we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. the secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.
so, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?
because, once we have over the defeats- and we always do- we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. in the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. we start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently unbearable; the latter goes on for year, and without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.
having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives.
oscar wilde said: "each man kills the thing he loves." and its true. the mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. we look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. we forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. i have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal- when it was only a step away.
this is the most dangerous obstacle because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. but if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of god, you help the soul of the world, and you understand why you are here"
"all i know is that, like santiago the shepherd boy, we all need to be aware of our personal calling. what is a personal calling? it is god's blessing, it is the path that god chose for you here on earth. whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. however, we don't all have the courage to confront our own dream.
why?
there are four obstacles. first: we are told from childhood onward that everything we want to do is impossible. we grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. there comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. but its still there.
if we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: love. we know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream. we do not realize that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward. we do not realize that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.
one we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path. we who fight four our dream suffer far more when it doesnt work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: "oh well, i didnt really want it anyway." we do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.
i ask myself: are defeats necessary?
well, necessary or not, they happen. when we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. the secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.
so, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?
because, once we have over the defeats- and we always do- we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. in the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. each day, each hour, is part of the good fight. we start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently unbearable; the latter goes on for year, and without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day, we are no longer able to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives.
having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it and spent many years living with the scars, we suddenly notice that what we always wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives.
oscar wilde said: "each man kills the thing he loves." and its true. the mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. we look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. we forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. i have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal- when it was only a step away.
this is the most dangerous obstacle because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. but if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of god, you help the soul of the world, and you understand why you are here"
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
well worth the wait?
so i realize that it has been FOREVER since i last posted on here and i apologize for that. but i feel like i now have some good things to share and hopefully (fingers crossed!) it will be well worth the wait!
i just returned on monday from 10 days in philly for orientation for the lasallian volunteer program. overall, it was a great experience, i met some really great people, and it really confirmed why i am about to embark on this journey, buttttt there were points during the week where i was not so sure about the next year of my life.
i feel like since orientation and probably until i leave i go through phases. the first phase is one of "omg...this is a terrible mistake...i have no idea what i am doing" and the other phase is "this is the right decision...i am going to really enjoy the next year...and i am excited to leave". and after thinking about it more and more, i have decided that this is probably somewhat normal.
it is getting closer and closer to when i will be leaving and i think with me realizing the little amount of time that i have left in my familiar environment, it is all becoming more and more real. its not that i dont want to do this, but its the unknown. its different. and for every bit of excitement i have, there is a bit of nervousness.
so ive decided to stop thinking about whether or not this is right and take the last 2 weeks of my summer to be with the people who are important to me, do things that i can only do on the east coast, and enjoy myself!
i just returned on monday from 10 days in philly for orientation for the lasallian volunteer program. overall, it was a great experience, i met some really great people, and it really confirmed why i am about to embark on this journey, buttttt there were points during the week where i was not so sure about the next year of my life.
i feel like since orientation and probably until i leave i go through phases. the first phase is one of "omg...this is a terrible mistake...i have no idea what i am doing" and the other phase is "this is the right decision...i am going to really enjoy the next year...and i am excited to leave". and after thinking about it more and more, i have decided that this is probably somewhat normal.
it is getting closer and closer to when i will be leaving and i think with me realizing the little amount of time that i have left in my familiar environment, it is all becoming more and more real. its not that i dont want to do this, but its the unknown. its different. and for every bit of excitement i have, there is a bit of nervousness.
so ive decided to stop thinking about whether or not this is right and take the last 2 weeks of my summer to be with the people who are important to me, do things that i can only do on the east coast, and enjoy myself!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
im backkkkk
so i am sitting in the chicago airport waiting for my delayed flight to ny to leave and i thought it would be a good idea to get all my thoughts about my site visit written before i forget!
i arrived in wisconsin on wednesday morning, spent some time with the current volunteers that are placed there, and then spent the afternoon at the site where i would be working in the fall.
the site is called john XXIII education center. the building that it is housed in used to be a middle school, but because of funding, was forced to shut down. after the school was shut down, many of the administrators and faculty involved decided that in order to stay connected with the students and continue to positively influence academics in the community, that the space should be converted into the after school center that it is now.
i will be working in the “library” of the center, where students can come to do homework, read, or play games. unfortunately, when the school was closed, everything that was originally housed in the building was sold. this means that there was NOTHING left to begin this education center with. so as you can imagine, the “library” is not what we are typically used to. there are only a few shelves of books, which have all been donated, so many are not in good condition.
most of the students who live in the community are latino and come from homes where they have little to no encouragement and support when it comes to academics. many parents of these students have to work multiple jobs to support their families, are involved in drugs or gangs, or have not even completed high school themselves. the students in this community have to be so self motivated and grown up at such a young age to be successful.
i worked with students on math, biology, and physics (yuck!) and then spent time playing with them after all their work was completed. it gave me some sort of hope to know that despite the adversity these student are faced with, they are still motivated to beat the odds. many of the high school students at the center talk about going to college and becoming professionals and many of the middle school students told me about how they were on honor roll or were working ahead in their classes to ensure their success.
On thursday, i went to lunch with the director of the center, shirley. she is probably one of the cutest old women i have ever encountered! she volunteers all of her time at the center and is the reason that the center has not closed down since it opened last fall. she has poured her efforts into writing grants to ensure that there is money to sustain the center for the community. she has had tons of experience in higher education and teaching and now devotes her time to running the center.
the great thing about the center is that it is so new. they are pretty much willing to let me do whatever I want (within reason of course!), which is awesome/scary/exciting all at the same time. because of this, i think i will be able to gain some really great experience in terms of public health and education. the work that i am going to be able to do at the center excites me and i think it will be a really good way for me to determine what i want to do in the next stage of my life.
the city and community of racine does not excite me, however. it is true that racine is not a farm, but it would be a stretch, in my mind at least, to call racine a city. the house where i will be living is connected to the education center. on one side of the house, there is a typical suburban neighborhood with nice homes and the lakefront. but on the other side of the house, the area is not so safe, run down, and struggling. this is where most of the students who come to the education center live.
i was reading a book that the 7th grade class from the middle school last year put together of stories and poems from their language arts class. it was amazing to me that content that the students were writing about. there were short stories about being initiated into gangs by being jumped, poems about parents being put into jail, and reflections about the loss of family members due to violence. and this is when i realized that although where i am living might not be somewhere i would choose on my own, i can do a lot of good here. these kids do not have any sort of guidance or support at home, get no encouragement, and have few good role models to look up to, and while i may not be the smartest or best role model in the world, what i can offer these students is much more than they already have. and it would be selfish of me to deny them that because i want to live in a big city.
so overall, i am happy. i know that i will be challenged by moving away from the city life that i am used to, but it will be worth it :)
i arrived in wisconsin on wednesday morning, spent some time with the current volunteers that are placed there, and then spent the afternoon at the site where i would be working in the fall.
the site is called john XXIII education center. the building that it is housed in used to be a middle school, but because of funding, was forced to shut down. after the school was shut down, many of the administrators and faculty involved decided that in order to stay connected with the students and continue to positively influence academics in the community, that the space should be converted into the after school center that it is now.
i will be working in the “library” of the center, where students can come to do homework, read, or play games. unfortunately, when the school was closed, everything that was originally housed in the building was sold. this means that there was NOTHING left to begin this education center with. so as you can imagine, the “library” is not what we are typically used to. there are only a few shelves of books, which have all been donated, so many are not in good condition.
most of the students who live in the community are latino and come from homes where they have little to no encouragement and support when it comes to academics. many parents of these students have to work multiple jobs to support their families, are involved in drugs or gangs, or have not even completed high school themselves. the students in this community have to be so self motivated and grown up at such a young age to be successful.
i worked with students on math, biology, and physics (yuck!) and then spent time playing with them after all their work was completed. it gave me some sort of hope to know that despite the adversity these student are faced with, they are still motivated to beat the odds. many of the high school students at the center talk about going to college and becoming professionals and many of the middle school students told me about how they were on honor roll or were working ahead in their classes to ensure their success.
On thursday, i went to lunch with the director of the center, shirley. she is probably one of the cutest old women i have ever encountered! she volunteers all of her time at the center and is the reason that the center has not closed down since it opened last fall. she has poured her efforts into writing grants to ensure that there is money to sustain the center for the community. she has had tons of experience in higher education and teaching and now devotes her time to running the center.
the great thing about the center is that it is so new. they are pretty much willing to let me do whatever I want (within reason of course!), which is awesome/scary/exciting all at the same time. because of this, i think i will be able to gain some really great experience in terms of public health and education. the work that i am going to be able to do at the center excites me and i think it will be a really good way for me to determine what i want to do in the next stage of my life.
the city and community of racine does not excite me, however. it is true that racine is not a farm, but it would be a stretch, in my mind at least, to call racine a city. the house where i will be living is connected to the education center. on one side of the house, there is a typical suburban neighborhood with nice homes and the lakefront. but on the other side of the house, the area is not so safe, run down, and struggling. this is where most of the students who come to the education center live.
i was reading a book that the 7th grade class from the middle school last year put together of stories and poems from their language arts class. it was amazing to me that content that the students were writing about. there were short stories about being initiated into gangs by being jumped, poems about parents being put into jail, and reflections about the loss of family members due to violence. and this is when i realized that although where i am living might not be somewhere i would choose on my own, i can do a lot of good here. these kids do not have any sort of guidance or support at home, get no encouragement, and have few good role models to look up to, and while i may not be the smartest or best role model in the world, what i can offer these students is much more than they already have. and it would be selfish of me to deny them that because i want to live in a big city.
so overall, i am happy. i know that i will be challenged by moving away from the city life that i am used to, but it will be worth it :)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
t minus 7 hours
sooo it is 11:38 pm the night before i am leaving for wisconsin and i have yet to pack anything. instead i have decided that a blog entry is obviously way more important than gathering the belongings i will need in the next 72 hours.
everyone keeps asking me if i am nervous about visiting. and i keep saying that im not. and i dont think i am. i am definitely anxious about visiting and seeing racine, but i dont think nervous is the right word.
i am going to try and take pictures and update this so everyone knows what wisconsin is like! but now i must go pack...see you on friday :)
everyone keeps asking me if i am nervous about visiting. and i keep saying that im not. and i dont think i am. i am definitely anxious about visiting and seeing racine, but i dont think nervous is the right word.
i am going to try and take pictures and update this so everyone knows what wisconsin is like! but now i must go pack...see you on friday :)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
let the adventure begin...
i have booked a flight to wisconsin!
i will be visiting my new home/workplace/community may 26-28. i spoke with one of the brothers that i will be living with and he sounds like he is really great. he seemed like he is funny and i am excited to meet him.
and i am starting to (believe it or not) actually get excited about next year as well. i think that this will be a great experience for me and that i will be able to do a lot of great work in this community. i think a big part of my excitement is the idea of everything coming together and having a solid plan for the next year.
i cant wait to visit :)
i will be visiting my new home/workplace/community may 26-28. i spoke with one of the brothers that i will be living with and he sounds like he is really great. he seemed like he is funny and i am excited to meet him.
and i am starting to (believe it or not) actually get excited about next year as well. i think that this will be a great experience for me and that i will be able to do a lot of great work in this community. i think a big part of my excitement is the idea of everything coming together and having a solid plan for the next year.
i cant wait to visit :)
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