dear catherine

this past weekend, the lasallian volunteer program had its final retreat of the year. it was a nice weekend to relax and reflect on the past year and get ready for the summer. at our midyear retreat that was in january, we were asked to write a letter to ourselves that we would get in the future. of course, i forgot about this project and was surprised to find my letter to myself this weekend. when i read it, it summed up how i was feeling pretty well, so i figured i would share it here...



dear catherine,

you made it! one whole year of volunteering in racine, wisconsin. a place that you NEVER thought you could live, work, or adjust to.

while there have been struggles and challenges throughout the year, there have also been many successes and triumphs. you have been able to conquer many new tasks and have learned what that "i've never done that before" is no longer an excuse!

you have made new friends, kept in touch with old ones, formed relationships, and ultimately changed the way you look at the world- not bad for 9 months time :)

as you continue on your journey of service, never lose sight of who you are, what you are passionate about, and why you are doing what you are doing. a path has been laid for you and good things are in your future!

don't forget to take time for yourself, continue to speak up, and do what makes you happy. you have many gifts and talents to offer and those that you work with are lucky to have you in their lives. and you are lucky to have them too!! :)

love, cath

have a little faith

it amazes me that sometimes no matter how much i do things the same way, i get different results. i can spend one day with kids at the center and not have to ask anyone to be quiet or stay on task and then there are other days when i feel like i all i do is argue, reason, and beg with the kids to do the homework that they came to the center to do in the first place. there is no doubt that it is frustrating, but i cant get mad at the kids for acting like kids. so the next day i just start over and have some faith that it can only get better from yesterday.

this is also the case with one of the high school students in particular. sometimes he can work and finish 5 math assignments in one session and other days he will spend an hour and half goofing around and only end up finishing one math problem. so whats the issue? why is that one day he can come in and do all his work with no problems and the next day i spend 99% of my time with him feeling like i am interacting with and talking to an elementary school student?

this student is BEYOND capable of doing his work and is very intelligent, but his whole life, his family has never expected much of him. his family doesnt see his potential and it is disappointing. on more than one occasion, his mother has told me that there is no way that this student will ever go to college, he is not a good student, and he will ultimately end up working in a technical trade when he graduates from high school. and while choosing to work in a trade is fine, i know that this student can achieve much more than that. he loves to build things and almost understands geometry better than i do. the way in which is thinks would be perfect for pursuing a career in engineering or architecture, but these things are "out of the question" because he is "not college bound".

i suppose that when you have heard for 17 years of your life that you are a class clown, have little academic potential, and are not expected to go to college, it is easy to goof off and not care about your school work even when you are smart enough and have the potential to excel. and while i cant control what has happened in this students past, i have faith that i can hopefully help him realize how smart he really is for the future. i just wish that his family and teachers and the other adults he interacts with would be able to look past his frustrating behavior and be able to see the potential that he has. maybe thats all he needs. im not sure how much of a difference one person can make in changing his attitude, but its worth a shot! maybe all he needs is someone to have a little faith in him and then he can feel the same way about himself.

the homestretch

one of the students who comes to the center always tries to convince me that not doing her homework every night like she is supposed to and then just spending one entire night working on all her missing assignments right before mid quarter grades come out is the best idea that anyone has ever come up with. although i can follow her reasoning, i cant agree with her. i remind her that while this plan works for now, she may not always be lucky enough to be able to finish all her work in one night and remind her that the quality of her work is probably not her best because of the very fact that there is so much of it.

ironically enough, tonight, i find myself in the same situation. i have put off updating this for about 2 weeks because "i havent felt like it" or "im too tired" or "i have too many other things to do" and i have come to terms with the fact that this probably means that what i am about to write wont do justice to what i have been up to for the past 14 days but i am going to do my best...

last time i blogged, we were finishing up our spring break, which i spent in minneapolis visiting erin and lizzy, the two lasallian volunteers there. minneapolis was a great little city and had some cool stuff. i kind of forgot that i was in the midwest while i was there. its much more urban than i expected. it was nice to have a change of scenery and spend some time in a new place, putting me one state closer to completing my goal of visiting all 50 states!

after spring break, it was back to work. i really did miss the kids while i was away although i didnt mind having a break! it was nice to get back into a routine and hear what they did while they were off from school. we got to celebrate cinco de mayo for our activity complete with a pinata!

desiree and i also spent a day in madison, which was a nice little trip. we went to the botanical gardens, the state capitol, an art museum, and spent some time just walking around. it was fun and it was nice to see wisconsins capital city.

today we had an end of the year celebration for the center. all the students, their families, mentors, tutors, and donors were invited to celebrate the success we have had this year and honor those students who will be graduating from high school in the upcoming weeks. it is always nice to see the kids with their families and i usually get a kick out of meeting some of the students parents after i imagine what they are like! it was a nice day and i could tell that the students and parents really do appreciate what we do at the center which is always reassuring.

as for the rest of the year...it is short! in only 3 and a half weeks i will be back on the east coast for summer. and i know that it is going to be a quick 3 and half weeks with all the things that are going on. next weekend is prom, which means that there is a giant parade for all the kids. its a big deal here... check it out! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_World%27s_Best_Prom), the following weekend we have our final lasallian volunteer retreat with everyone in the program, and the weekend after that desiree and i are taking the kids mini golfing as an end of the year field trip.

in some ways i think this might be the hardest part of the year so far. i feel like i am so anxious for summer and being able to see everyone again, but at the same time i know that it can be super dangerous to be in that mindset when i have things to focus on and do here. i am trying my best to keep both my feet in one place but it is tempting to want to have one foot in the present and one foot in the future.

nothing too deep or insightful this time around...just a little update on what i have been doing these past two weeks. i promise to not be such a procrastinator for the next 3 and a half weeks when it comes to updating this. but after that im taking a vacation! :) 

reality check

When I agreed to a year service as a Lasallian Volunteer in Racine, Wisconsin, I imagined flat land, cows, and a population of Caucasians. What problems could there possibly be in this small, Middle America town? What service could I possibly provide to people who were probably living pretty comfortably already?

Upon moving to Racine, I realized that I could not have been father from the truth. I live along a river, among many hills, have yet to see a cow in my neighborhood, and spend most of my time working with students and parents of Hispanic heritage. There are a countless number of families who struggle on a daily basis in a variety of areas, for a variety of reasons. And while there are families who live comfortably in my neighborhood, the majority do not.

Each day, I spend my time working with students from the impoverished areas of Racine at John XXIII Educational Center, an after school tutoring and mentoring program. John XXIII provides supervised study hall time, one-on-one homework assistance, college preparation opportunities, and safe social activities for the students that we work with.

At first glance, many would label our students. These are the kids who become statistics by being teenage parents, will spend their whole lives working minimum wage jobs, and will ultimately spend the majority of the lives fighting to make it. Some of them will get involved with drugs. Others will be arrested. And the majority of them are “trouble makers”.

Despite the judgment that is passed on these students, I am convinced that these “trouble makers” are actually some of the most creative, hard working, and entertaining students I will ever encounter. Lucy and Marcos have an incredible talent for drawing. Fabian can always make me laugh. Althena has questions about everything. And Edwin can build or fix anything you ask him to.

    The sad truth is that these students will face judgment and social injustices more regularly throughout their lifetime than I will. My time working with each of them has exposed me to many social injustices and has given me a new knowledge and perspective about the reality of their lives.

Many of our students face the challenge of being undocumented. This means that they have difficulty getting jobs, using government funded programs, accessing basic social services, and receiving education benefits at the collegiate level. Their families will often neglect to follow through on everyday tasks for the fear of being kicked out of their homes or, in the worst situations, out of the country. This also means that many of our families face the struggle of being separated from their loved ones, who are often in Mexico, without the ability to visit them on a regular basis.      

Our neighborhood isn’t necessarily safe. There have been instances of violence and crime right within the surrounding area of John XXIII. Many of our students live in the same area as John XXIII and, because of this, our students must always keep in mind that where they live forces them to be extra aware of their surroundings all the time. 

Most of our students come from homes where Spanish is spoken all the time. The children in the family are bilingual because of their enrollment in school, but often struggle to read and write at grade level because of their lack of exposure to the English language at home. Parents are literally unable to help their children with homework because of their inability to read, write, and understand the English language.

Additionally, many of our students are faced with extra responsibilities and pressures at home. A large number of our families own their own businesses and stores. This means that most of their days are spent working or managing others. These businesses are their livelihoods and many of our parents are forced to spend the majority of their time focusing on being successful at work so that they can be successful at home. Often times, this forces the children in the family to take on extra responsibilities in addition to their school work, which may include working, babysitting younger siblings, or serving as a translator to assist their families.

The long and short of it is that our students take on responsibilities that many adults would shy away from. They sacrifice living a “normal” childhood because of the social injustices that they face each and every day. They are unable to apply to have their first job because they don’t have a social security number. They can’t play outside because it is not safe. They don’t like to read because it is a difficult task. And they often have to sacrifice spending time with their friends because they have extra responsibilities at home.

As someone who had no first hand experience with these difficulties before my time as a volunteer in Racine, I feel lucky to have the opportunity to live among my students, share in their difficulties, and better understand social injustices that many people face on a daily basis. As I move forward on my journey, I know that the best thing I can do for these students is give them the consistency, love, and guidance that they often lack at home. It may not seem like a lot, but I know that even a little bit can make all the difference to these students!

so what happened?

from about 8th grade, i can always remember wanting to be a doctor. what kind of doctor i wanted to be often changed, but i was convinced that i was going to eventually go to medical school and practice medicine. in high school, i spent my extra time volunteering and being involved in extra activities so that i could get into a good college, and in college, i spent my extra time being part of organizations that had to do with pre-med stuff, volunteering, and spending time observing and working at doctors offices and hospitals. i even spent a tonnnn of money and a bunch of time studying for the mcat. which i ended up deciding not to take.

so what happened? i was doing everything "right". i followed all the steps that i should have to be on the right track. and then i just decided that it was all wrong. i could have easily cracked down, studied hard, taken the mcat, and applied to medical school. but i distinctly remember at one point during all of this, thinking about what i was really passionate about and how i could really use that to do something worthwhile with my future. and it wasnt being a doctor anymore.

of course we need doctors and it is a great profession, but it just wasnt for me. especially with the changes in healthcare that were being proposed, i just felt like i would be working for a big company. i would be at the mercy of insurance companies and wouldnt really be practicing medicine the way that i pictured a doctor always did. someone who never studied medicine would be telling me what medicine to give someone and how to treat someone based on if they could pay for it. and thats frustrating to me!

so i was back at square one. now what? combine my interest in science/health care and do something to fight the frustrating "system" that is currently in place. public health! great- i can combine what im good at, what i like, and still do something worthwhile.

but what all that time i spent volunteering and studying and making sure that i was checking off everything i was supposed to be doing so that i could go to med school? sometimes i think about it and feel like i wasted a lot of time and a lot of effort getting ready for something that i ultimately didnt follow through on. its a little dissapointing, but i dont regret it and i think that says something. i really believe that it was "time well wasted" if there is such a thing. knowing what you dont want to do is just as important as knowing what you do want to do, and while it took me a while to pinpoint exactly what that was i am thankful that i have a clear idea now. 

my whole experience in racine has made me even more aware the flaws in our health care system and the need for more advocacy of these benefits. i am thankful that i have had this time to learn more about and reflect on where i see myself heading in the future.

in other news....
spring break starts this thursday and i couldnt be happier to have some time off! i am going to head to minneapolis to visit lizzy and erin, who are lasallian volunteers at a high school there. it should be fun to get a change of scenery and visit a new state. happy easter!

the boss man

this past thrusday, brother alvaro, the superior general (aka the brother in charge of all brothers) was in chicago. he has been traveling around the us visiting all the sites and ministries that have a lasallian presence and asked that the volunteers near and around chicago spend some time with him talking about our service experience.

desiree and i drove up to chicago and 7 of the volunteers from chicago were also there. brother alvaro gave us each some time to talk about how we got involved with the lasallian volunteers, what we do at our different minstries, and how this experience has been for us so far. he asked about our communities and what we find to be the most rewarding aspect of the work that we do.

brother alvaro talked to us about how in europe it is difficult to find young people who are willing to dedicate a year to service and he thanked us for all that we do at our ministries.

it was really nice to meet brother alvaro, even though it was only for a short time. i had always heard about the superior general, but this time i actually got to meet him! its nice to know that he takes an interest in what we are doing and although he lives in rome and cant visit each of our ministries individually, i really did get the sense that he has a genuine interest and respect for the work that we do which is always encouraging! 

glamour girls

for the past 4 weeks, i have been running a group each tuesday during the school hours called "glamour girls". it is for 14 8th grade girls at preparatory school, which will be followed by a second round of the same group for 13 more 8th grade girls. the group is designed to allow the girls a place to discuss "girl stuff" as they are getting ready to transition from middle school to high school. and a way for a school that has absolutely no health curriculum to inform their students about things they need to be aware of. 

the center has a had a glamour girls group in the past, so i was able to borrow some ideas from there, but most of what i am doing i was able to create on my own. its been a fun project for me to explore the health education side of things and get me to try it out in preparation for looking into public health in the future.

when we first talked about starting the glamour girls group with the girls at the school, i thought it would definitely be a challenge, especially after hearing what my mom had to say about how i was in middle school. 14 girls who are 13 and 14 years old in a room with someone who is not much older than them talking about "girl stuff". awesomeeeeee, recipe for disaster, etc. etc. etc.

but as these 4 weeks have passed by, i couldnt have been more wrong about it! i really love tuesday afternoons when i get to work with the 8th grade girls and have really enjoyed my time with them. we have been able to talk about self esteem, healthy relationships, peer pressure and alcohol, and teen pregnancy so far, and i think that it has been going really well. the girls seem to be interested and have been asking really good (and hilarious) questions about all the topics so i am happy with it. we still have two weeks left, which will be spent talking about gossip and bullying and an end of the group party.

especially this past week, the girls really helped me remember why i am doing what i am doing. i feel like giving the girls a place to ask questions and feel comfortable talking about things that are often pushed to the side really has made a difference for them. one of the girls has even reached out and asked to talk on an individual basis about some things that she is dealing with.

so today i am thankful for these 14 8th graders and their presence in my life. i am looking forward to continuing to work with them and to also be able to work with the other group of 8th graders coming up. tuesdays might just be my new favorite day of the week!